[Jokes4u] 2 jokes

[Steve Bailey]

fc-list
=======

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the
confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing
building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.

"How much material did you take?" his priest asked.

"Enough to build my own house, and enough for my son's house,
and houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think
of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"

"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get
the plans, I can get the lumber."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the
morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push,"
he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 AM and it is pouring out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about 3 months ago when we broke down and those 2 guys helped
us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the
husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the
husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.